I’m just sayin'...
Oh my God. I’m watching the first hockey game of the season. There is a time out. The goalie has blue tape on the butt end of his stick. Regulations indicate that this tape must be white. So they are putting white tape on top of the blue tape. Blue tape is not allowed. No sir. But you can fight. Got it.
Autocorrect on my phone. I type one bloody letter and already it wants to offer suggestions. How the hell does it think it knows what I want to say after one letter?! It reminds me of a story I once heard about Frank Shuster who lived in Toronto in his later years. He was on his way out one day and his son stopped him. “You can’t go out like that. Your hat is all crooked.” Frank responded by telling him, “You don’t know where I’m going!”
Can we please agree universally on which way to twist a bloody twist tie to secure a hose or a pair of scissors to its host cardboard backing? Or at least not twist it thirty two times so that I don’t invest myself for sixteen twists only to find I’m twisting it the wrong way?
My son is upstairs singing. I think. He’s yelling. He sounds angry. I don’t hear any specific musical notes. Still. Could go either way.
Two stadiums. Side by side. One big event at each stadium. In one stadium there’s a world series baseball game. In the other it’s a major tennis match. One zeppelin filming overhead. They’re saving costs. In the world series game they are paused because they are reviewing videotape of a ball hit up the third baseline. They’re not sure if it landed in foul territory. The video is not clear. I think it was filmed in Beta. At the tennis match, a serve hit with a peak velocity of 135 mph or 216 kmh is questioned after it was called out. The eye in the sky technology is called into play and about thirty seconds later it is confirmed that the serve was, in fact, in. Further, zooming in on the digitized image of the ball imprint on the line shows that it was in by only three millimetres. Seriously? These stadiums need to get together like peanut butter bumping into chocolate.
I enjoyed the olympics. You get dulled by the greatness though. I think it needs to be put into perspective. Like how would I do on the luge against these guys? I mean is there really that large a competitive pool that the worst guy isn’t just a little better than I would be, screaming perhaps at similar loudness levels as we hang on for dear life down the run? That’s what they should have done before the real athletes at the olympics. The first one down the hill should have been ... Bob. Yes, Bob. The guy in your grocery store who is shopping and wearing sandals. In winter. The guy wearing pyjamas that you hope to God is making a fashion statement and not just sporting the same pj’s he wore last night to bed.
The soccer goalie. I feel so bad for him. Essentially he does nothing, hoping nobody is going to get close enough to kick the ball at the barn door he has been hired to protect. God, please just give him a stick or something. Something so he has a chance to bat away the ball that is always going to be beyond his reach. Or at least something he can poke people with to make their job a little bit more difficult. Just FYI, a hockey goalie in front of his net covers approximately half to three quarters of the mouth of the net. This compares to the soccer goalie who covers approximately 1/52,000th of the area he has to protect.